you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I need to align my fucking chakras
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