Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
