I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
