very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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