I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
