Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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