I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
