i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The convent might be a nice break from real life
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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