I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
