did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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