I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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