I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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