haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How does one acquire holy water?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
