I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
