Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
