the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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