I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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