Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
