you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
tell me about the fingering
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
