I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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