I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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