I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just pee around me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
