I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Fuck appropriateness.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
