i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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