like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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