can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
