She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Rumble strips road head = magical
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
