Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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