Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
