My first STD was from a foam party
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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