Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
