so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
