Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
