Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
