I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
