Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
