I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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