fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
