I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
