im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
