i permit you to call me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
