He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
