When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
