Can i not drive my cunt home
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
