apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
