your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
