Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
