Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
