Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
