I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish I only lived at night.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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