I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
my poor anus
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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