I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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