Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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