He told me they were just razor bumps!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
how does that bad decision feel?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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