Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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